Self Esteem is not a stable dimension. Sometimes after a bad relationship, you can end up with low self esteem, lack of self-respect, and feelings of insecurity. What can we do in these situations?
Insecurity and low self-esteem have a direct relationship. Many people live on this tightrope where everything trembles; fearing that at the slightest mistake, the fall or the mocking laughter will come. Not only does temperance fail, but when the lack of love dominates everything, it is impossible to achieve anything. And even less to be happy.
Nathaniel Branden, psychotherapist and author of The Seven Pillars of Self Esteem, once pointed out that without this inner security that gives genuine confidence and affection in oneself, it is impossible to face the most basic challenges. Social relationships, work, capacity for accomplishment, personal projection and even love …
All of these dimensions also tremble in the universe of the insecure person with low self-esteem. On the other hand, there is an undeniable aspect. The world is neither good nor favorable for those who feel that way.
The insecure child is often the object of mockery and abuse in school. Adults who do not know how to defend their rights run the risk of suffering from dependency relationships, those which further damage their self-esteem. What can be done in these cases?
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Insecurity and Low Self Esteem: A Close Relationship
Low self-esteem always comes at a cost. Our whole emotional balance depends on this support, on this psychological muscle which acts as the most important psychological variable for our well-being. Psychiatrist Luis Rojas-Marcos tells us in his book Self Esteem that one of these explanatory factors is the way people talk to each other.
Beyond the multiple factors that are generally at the origin of the link between insecurity and low self esteem, we often overlook the great relevance of internal dialogue. This self-talk should always be friendly, emotional and focused on our virtues. Otherwise, we will be fueling this progressive wear and tear that always ends up affecting our mental health.
After all, low self-esteem is that dimension that orbits many psychological disorders such as anxiety and depression. Let’s go deeper.
What causes Low Self Esteem?
We know what we say to ourselves erodes self esteem, but why do we do it? Why does a person act like their own worst enemy and mistrust their abilities? It is important to remember first that self-esteem is not a stable dimension; it can fluctuate and be affected by our experiences.
In many cases, the origin is in childhood and the education received. Unstable attachment, emotional impairments, isolation, mistreatment or even over-demandingness lead to such insecurity and low self-esteem.
On the other hand, it is also important to highlight traumatic events: losses, accidents, experiences of bullying can undermine this precious dimension.
Likewise, we cannot forget the impact that harmful emotional relationships can have. The cost of a bond based on criticism, humiliation, emotional blackmail and jealousy can completely damage the self-esteem and personal safety of any of us.
What does an Insecure Person with Low Self Esteem Look Like?
We believe that insecurity and low self-esteem characterize a shy, elusive, and indecisive person. However, we forget that these dimensions can sometimes be the source of aggressive and even narcissistic personalities.
When a person perceives their weaknesses, they can develop defense mechanisms to protect themselves and try to fill those gaps. These mechanisms are as follows:
A person who dislikes himself experiences frustration, anxiety, and psychological distress and all of this can (sometimes) translate into aggression.
In other cases, the opposite can happen: instead of displaying aggressive behavior, she is the victim of manipulation because she does not know how to defend herself; she does not dare to assert her rights.
Low self esteem dilutes potentials, opportunities, and one’s own life. Lack of self-confidence puts us behind that comfort zone where nothing happens, where nothing happens.
Finally, insecurity and low self-esteem lead to multiple mental and physical health problems.
For example, these dimensions have been shown to be closely related to eating disorders.
How do You Fix Low Self Esteem?
Self esteem does not recover overnight. Not if we carry, for example, the weight of a traumatic upbringing, the hurt of having spent many years suffering harassment at work, or the pain of feeling the impact of an emotional relationship of dependence on our own skin. . How do you fix low self esteem?
Psychological therapy is the best resource for working on the origin of these insecurities. The best strategy is undoubtedly to tackle these triggers and equip the person with the skills and tools to improve their internal dialogue.
You should also keep a journal to identify unhealthy thought patterns. Detecting negativity, irrational thoughts and that voice that acts as a punisher and not as a watchdog of our potential is another essential step.
It is also interesting to set simple goals and objectives in our daily life in order to achieve them. These small advances strengthen our security.
Likewise, it would be highly recommended to start new projects. Sometimes the changes put us in new scenarios in which, almost without knowing how, a new “me” emerges. Someone who is enthusiastic about life and above all, himself. This is the key.