The level of stress felt is often related to the way you interpret events (eg: following a lower result on an exam, you might say to yourself “I’m going to fail my session, that’s for sure”). An inner discourse made up of worries, negative anticipations or devaluing creates anxiety and stress. Most of the time, these types of thoughts come to your mind automatically, without always considering all the elements of the situation. This is why it is necessary to consider your perceptions in the control of stress and negative emotions in general.
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EVALUATION OF THOUGHTS THAT CAUSE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS
Do you ever say things to yourself that you wouldn’t dare say to your best friend or best friend?
Your emotions are an important source of information. When you are experiencing negative emotions, stop for a moment, pick up a piece of paper and pencil, and then answer the following questions in writing.
Specify your discomfort. (Ex .: “I feel stressed, stressed or depressed, depressed.”)
Identify what you are telling yourself. (Ex: “If I don’t have an A, I’m pocket.”)
Analyze your inner speech. (Ex .: “Is what I’m telling myself correct?” “Is this a hypothesis or a certainty?” “Are there any experiences that contradict this way? to think? ”)
Bring nuances. (Ex .: “Is it useful to talk to me like this?” “Is it that bad?” “Am I totally responsible?” “What more can I say to myself and more useful?” “ How could another person see what is happening to me? ”“ What are my skills in this situation? ”)
Certain attitudes can stimulate anxiety and depression to a greater extent. Here are a few examples.
All or nothing: Your thinking is not nuanced.
You classify things into only two categories: good and bad (no gray areas). Therefore, if your performance leaves something to be desired, you view your life as a total failure.
Example: All or nothing, black or white, good or bad, perfection or failure, never or always.
Overgeneralization: A single unfortunate event strikes you as part of an endless cycle of failures, you derive a general rule from particular cases.
Example: if once, always; if not now, never; if a negative element, everything is negative; if discomfort, panic.
The filter: You choose a negative aspect, and while ignoring the other important aspects, you dwell so much on this little detail of the situation that your whole view of reality is skewed. It’s like a drop of ink staining a full container of water.
Example: worrying about a negative comment your partner gives you, disregarding the positive comments.
Rejecting the Positive: For all kinds of reasons, you reject all of your positive experiences, saying they don’t matter. This way you preserve your negative image of things, even if it conflicts with your everyday experience.
Example: not believing a compliment, telling yourself that the person “just wants to be nice”.
Rushed conclusions: You jump to a negative conclusion, without fact-checking or even if no specific fact can confirm your interpretation. You foresee the worst, while already having the conviction that your prediction will be confirmed.
Example: thinking that the other “must think that I don’t look smart”, despite the objective fact that this person is behaving correctly.
Exaggeration (dramatization) and minimization: Negative events are treated as catastrophes, rather than more relative. You magnify the importance of some things, and downplay the importance of other things until they seem insignificant to you.
Example: exaggerating your flaws or someone else’s success, and downplaying your good qualities or the other’s imperfections.
Emotional reasoning: You assume that your darker feelings necessarily reflect the reality of things, you assume that emotional reactions reflect the real situation.
Example: deciding that because someone feels hopeless, the situation is hopeless.
“I must” and “I should”: You try to motivate yourself with “I should” or “I should not” as if, in order to convince you to do something, you have to fight or punish yourself. It makes you feel guilty.
Example: “I have to have the best grade”.
Labeling: Instead of referring to specific actions, you put a blanket negative label on yourself, using very colorful and emotionally charged words.
Example: “I am a loser”
Personalization: You hold yourself responsible for an untoward event when in fact it was caused by other factors.
Example: “If I had not told him that, the accident would not have happened”.
CONTROL YOUR CONCERNS
Is it difficult for you to tolerate the uncertainties?
Do you tend to always contemplate the worst?
Anxiety can be generated by worrying, that is, thoughts about negative possibilities (e.g. worrying about not finding a job when you finish your studies, not being admitted or admitted to a limited program). The starting point for worries is the uncertainty that often manifests itself as: “what will happen if …”, “all of a sudden that …”.
The greater the certainty that you are in danger, the more anxious or anxious you will be. These thoughts also refer to the inability to react if the feared “disaster” strikes. Since worries are assumptions about what might happen – not facts – it is important to try to assess them in order to control your anxiety.
Take a piece of paper and a pencil, write down your different concerns and try to answer the following questions. This exercise will allow you to identify the veracity of each concern, assess the likelihood of it happening, and assess the real impacts.
What am I afraid of? What are the facts that fuel this concern? Who are those who do not support it? What’s the worst that can happen?
How likely is this to happen?
If what I fear happens, what will be the consequences for me, for my future? How tolerable would these consequences be?
Have I been through a similar situation before, or have others been through it? What happened?
How could I envision this situation a year from now? in five years?
Worries can undermine your ability to enjoy the moment. Try to focus on the process, not just the goal you want to achieve. Sometimes, a tendency to look only at the goal leads you to feel overwhelmed, overwhelmed by the scope of the work to be done (eg: “I won’t have enough time!”) And generates doubts (“is it? that I will get there? ”).
Directing your attention to the process and steps to reach your goal raises more stimulating questions:
What should I do now to increase my chances of success?
Should I start with this or that?
What resources can I call on to help me?
SHOW INDULGENCE TO YOURSELF
Do you tend to hold high and rigid demands?
How much do you compare yourself to others?
Do your goals cripple you more than they stimulate you?
How often do you feel dissatisfied, even when you are doing well?
Do you have trouble giving yourself the right to make mistakes?
You can’t consistently stand out from the crowd in college, and for this reason, it’s often more beneficial to compare yourself … to yourself. There is nothing wrong with ambition, but too high demands may discourage and paralyze you more than stimulate you. Some factors are beyond your control; that way, you could really do your best and still be dissatisfied or dissatisfied. You will then tend to think that what you have done was not enough, to belittle yourself, while redoubling your efforts, to achieve … perfection? This attitude is often characteristic of perfectionist students (perfectionism). They are eternally dissatisfied who maintain doubts about their abilities, despite a multitude of facts that demonstrate their value as people or future professionals.
To relax your expectations and requirements a little: find goals that depend on you as much as possible. Setting smaller goals often makes it easier to reach or even exceed them (which increases self-confidence rather than decreasing it).
The norm should not be set outside of oneself, but from within; assess what imposing all these requirements on you and identify the inconveniences they cause you (eg: exhaustion, loss of the pleasure of studying); beyond a certain threshold, the efforts provided harm you more than they help you (eg: stop studying for a well-prepared exam, rather than reassuring you by constantly checking until the last minute ); remember: no trying, no mistakes and no mistakes, no learning; and then, what would happen if you lowered your standards a little, your criteria? How is it so bad if someone is better at something than you?
Controlling anxiety and stress comes through controlling our perceptions of ourselves and of events. Take action when your thoughts and attitudes cause anxiety and negative emotions: you will come out a winner, a winner … and often calmer!